somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
