Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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