I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
