i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
