i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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