I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
