Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I want to fling myself into the sun
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
