I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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