She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
