I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
