I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
