Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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