I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I need to stop coming to work sober
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
