Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
