I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
