The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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