i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
