I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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