i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This baby is an asshole
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
