I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
