I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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