You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
