The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
