He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
