I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
