there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
