Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
