i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
