I just pynch a tree in the face
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
