how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
