dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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