So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why do cheetos always look like penises
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
