I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
