Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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