never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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