If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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