he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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