Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
