Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
