I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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