fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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