Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she pinky promised me she was 18
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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