I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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