i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
