Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
