Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
