god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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