I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
