did you get engaged???
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
