I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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