Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
