She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
